Zombie Attack!
by Great Pikmin Fan
Summary: Repost and remake of this really old thing I did years ago. Part of the "SBIG" series. An intentionally badly written short story about Edd fighting zombies.


**Zombie Attack!**

 **Beginning AN:**

Way back around May of 2010, there was this topic on TV Tropes called "Write a badfic." It was a forum game, and I did just that. Wrote a bad _Ed, Edd n' Eddy_ fan fic that was _supposed_ to be about Edd fighting zombies.

Looking back, I decided to retcon that as part of this "SBIG" series (since I just realized the copy-paste disclaimer doesn't say it, I'll say it here: It stands for "So Bad, it's Good," the goal I try to hit with these) thing. Problem is, that thread is long gone for one reason or another - using the forum's search engine got me nothing. There wasn't really any concrete place I could put this and I didn't like that. Then I thought about remaking a lot of the older stories in this pseudo-series so that it's easier to understand them and you won't have to go through a bunch of typoes. And also thought of a from-the-ground up remake of this. And what better day to kill two birds with one stone by remaking it plus getting it out on a non-user page than the day I _finally_ put a concrete conclusion to the other EENE installment in this and call it finished! This also means that, no, I won't spam the EENE section with intentionally lazy stories. It's just this and _EDventure_ for the foreseeable future.

Mainly, in the original (which is on the fan fiction wiki - currently at my user page but it's going to be posted on its own page probably pretty soon), Edd was paired up with this character from a series I wasn't familiar with, and I'm not familiar with it. And lately I don't feel like doing that. So... he won't be. I feel this might get rid of a lot of the "What" factor in this, but I can't think of any alternatives.

 **Welcome to SBIG!** This is a series of purposefully badly done stories that care very little with making sense or trying to add any emotional impact. Or... that's the intent. This is sort of like a bad attempt at comedy. Now, two things I try to avoid with this when comparing the installments to other fics done bad on purpose. One is making them unreadable (but this... admittedly wasn't always a major focus of mine). Two is that this isn't going to get... too disgusting. Well, it might in some stories, but it won't rely on grossout factors as an entertainment value, and even the ones that do teeter into uncomfortable territory won't be trying to really 'outdo' other fics that do this. The only thing I try to trump myself in is the plot's stupidity. Not how hard it is to read it, and not how disgusted (or infuriated for that matter) you will be by it.

* * *

Zombies attacked the cul-de-sac! Suddenly Edd came and said that he would fight them. He built a time car really fast like on _Back to the Future_ (he had Plank to thank for that, oddly enough Plank was 'speaking' of sorts to him now - long story) and got ready to save the cul-de-sac!

They were attacking and breaking down doors but they were idiots, so Edd looked for the source quickly and thought he could find it better if he traveled back in time. While driving he accidentally hit someone but thought this didn't matter, until SUDDENLY ANOTHER TIME CAR APPEARED AND STARTED HITTING HIM! Edd looked and saw that it was another him! He tried to get the upper hand and successfully knocked the other-him on railroad tracks, about to run him over when he hit 88 and went backwards. In time.

He landed in 1960 (PS this took place in 1970 it's my headcanon) and realized that there was a zombie virus that wasn't really contained that well, so he told the workers to hide it better. He got in the car, went into it, but it wouldn't start. It was out of plutonium!

"I can help you." Said Stewie Griffin. "You douche. Just note that I want to use your time car to return too, for... reasons."

Stewie gave him plutonium and then they went back into the present (well more like past since it was 1970) and Edd took Stewie under the deal. Edd got out to look at the new lack of zombies. Then he got hit by a car! Specifically, him from the past!

"I'll chase after him. or her since I'm not sexist!" He said, getting amnesia from the hit and not knowing it was really him all along! (Specifically of the hims, Edd from before going back in time) and then he got back in. With a really confused Stewie and Plank in his hands (he held Plank with him the whole time for some reason), they fought again and he ended up stuck on the railroad tracks, once again out of radioactive gas (that car ate the radios up really quick that's why Edd's car didn't even have a radio at all and Stewie complained about the music) and about to be hit... then past Edd went back in time.

" _Oh_." Said Edd. "That was me. I remember now."

But the train was about to hit them, but it was stopped because of the Deloreon's tough exterior! "Damn." Said Stewie. "Anyway, I'm gonna go run off and be evil now as I secretly was."

He ran off, and Edd shouted "NOOOO!" before realizing that, while he held honor in keeping deals, the deal itself was just that Stewie was aloud to go to the present with him, and not actually be evil. So that meant that he could stop him!

Oh too late the Kankers zapped him anyway and Lee said that "We're already the main villains, in fact we already started the zombies." Edd gasped! Okay cliffhanger time.

* * *

Edd grabbed a sword that was also in his time car and prepared to fight down the Kankers, who had also used the zombie virus (they kept a spare) to revive other dead characters that include all sorts of bad guys like Bowser, Cthulhu, generic naked horror villain woman, and Mr. Burns and they made a huge army.

But Edd wiped out the army with a sword. Except the horror lady, he would have made out with her but that's a huge difference, so he sent her to church and hoped a redeem arc will happen, then he can love her in the future.

"You're cheap, dammit." Said Lee Kanker stomping her foot angrily. "I do not like this development." Then she died because Edd also wiped out the Kankers.

BUT THEN! The Kankers came back in Avatar bodies! Not avatar the element people, avatar the blue aliens! Since you can apparantly be revived as an avatar. So they fire-bended Nazz to death.

"NO!" Edd cried.

"Don't worry about me..." Nazz coughed, "Kill... the... Kakers."

Then Edd got really mad! His rage powered the sword and killed them for good. Also Ed and Edd got jawbreakers. The end.

...OR WAS IT? The Kankers all revived in their old bodies, then fused... INTO GIGA KANKER!

* * *

 **Closing AN:**

WOW this did NOT age well. It's pretty bland now that I removed some of the elements that I personally cringe at (again, adding a character whose source material I'm not familiar with. A new one is Homer Simpson pulling a revival ex machina). I wrote all this out on one day because I kind of gave myself a rushing schedule to get this and two other fics out before the end of August, so this was of course rushed with just one day of typing it and, two days later, another day of looking over and finishing the thing. And in both cases I shared the days with finishing at least one other chapter of another fic.

Expect this to get a kind of remake or something that ups the sillyness and lowers the plot consistencies.

 **THE END.**

* * *

 _Legends have told of about the derelict mansion upon the hill that casts a blanket of darkness over the town._

People went in, but not out. This, along with the other strange sightings (reports of which going up after the Society was forgotten about and disbanded), discouraged people of the town from entering. Until the mansion began attacking, getting a pair of twins and their previous enemy to investigate...

This is Spooky's House of OH LOOK IT'S BILL CIPHER. And no, that's not an attention thing.

That's the story actual title.


End file.
